Back in 5th grade my family moved to San Antonio. For a period of three years after that, I went to five middle schools. Each one had bullying in its own way but eventually faces just began to blend. No one talked to me, I didn’t talk to anyone. Got in the occasional fight. Eventually I learned to imitate each group. Then, finally, middle school ended.
Anyway, last year (Freshman year of HS) I was diagnosed with depression and sociopathy (With the latter being most likely incorrect) Now I lie compulsively (At school, not here) and practice long-term social engineering.
Dont know what to do.
Thanks,
-J
Well i just realised that i forgot about it today, bilbo - im sorry
So maybe ill tell u my story in short words (that would be way to much to type and im supposed to sleep now XD)
Um. So im gay, and as most of u know im from poland. I dont feel like i ever had any problems with it, becouse i tend to forget what was happening after my 18 birthday party. My old psychologist (?) told me that its my defending mechanism.
But, to begin, ill tell u what happened on my birthday party. So in poland 18 BD party is like big celebration day, coz according to law u become mature. And i well known my sexuality long before that, so i had a boyfriend, that i invited to that party, as my friends boyfriend (my parents didnt knew that im gay, so i had to make it hard to find out). We had nice time together with all friends, and him, till we got real drunk (blood prob. switched to vodka XD) and we got a bit to easy on the rules we made before party (like no kissing etc) and we found a way to get out of the party unseen as we were thinking back then, and started kissing behind the building in a dark. it was fun, we had a lot of adrenalinę, coz we knew that my parents r just behind that building walls. ppl on the party eventually noticed that we r gone and my best friend marta called me that we should go back coz my parents r a bit suspicious… so we went back, and it seemed that nothing happened, i told my mom that “sorry but i felt sick and i had to go out and Ceiro “boyfriend” was helping me get back to life”. So party was still going it ended late at night, all of my family went home, me and my friends had to go back eventually too.
And at this moment, when we were going back home i had dumbest idea in my life (well kind of, i dont regret it now) - i thought that my bf can go with me to my house… and we didnt think this throw, coz my mom saw us bouth going into my room. that was total random for her. so she checked my room, and told us that she will bring him matrace, so he can sleep. and there was our next drunk dumb idea, we said that he doesnt need one, he can sleep wirh me (XD smooth af). she was a bit like wtf but she agreed and went a sleep. im gonna skip this part here if u know what i mean XDDDD.
we woke up in the morning, (thank god that sun beams, not my mom or dad(!) waken us up)
we went down to eat something, and my mom started asking some random questions to my BF, like she wanted to check if hes real BF of my other friend from party… she didnt have a lot of time, coz we had to go for a train - so she ended up knowing nothing… but she had to drive my bf to the train station, and i went with them. and when we were there, i wanted to say goodbye to my bf somewhere out of my mom sight - but i couldnt coz when he got out of the car, i told her that im going to say bye to him, and she shouted that i have to stay in a car and she quickly drived away from train station, while asking me who was that. i was like super scared of her, so i told her with tears in my eayes that im gay and that was my boyfriend, and to not tell that to dad. and she shouted some pointles stuff and then said that she promise that she wont tell anything to dad.
so we went back home, i closed myslef in a room for a moment to cry the shit out of me, then went to the toilet to get back to normal and went down stairs to watch some tv and pretend nothing happened. i was not really noticing what is my mom doing. after 20mins of tv i heard somebody slaming doors so hard that i felt it on a chair as it was shaking - that was my dad. My fuckn father, who was ment to never find out, but my dumb mother, went back home, after promising me that nothing will happen, told that my father that im gay and i was prob fucking with my bf in my room.
so. he slamed that door, runed into me sitting on the chair, almost got me on the ground by jumping on my legs and sitting on them so i cant run, and asked me “why did u do that to me”. I was like wtf at the first place, but after secounds i relised what hes talking about. i saw my mother in a bacground - i stared into her eyes and said that i hate her, and she has no way to getmy trust back, and i will be saingthat every day till the end of her life, so she will never forget what she did.
This whole situation went ever worse, coz after that insult from me, my mom told that i need to leave my bf, i wont be gay coz she say so (lol) and that “we” have to make some rules. So we sat around table, and she started to point out some insane rules, that were all concentrated on that “what will ppl say if they find out” and their own homophobic point of view. also, the most insane apart from leaving my bf, was leaving all my friends from that 18 bd party! coz she was saing they all knew and didnt tell them…
If that is not insane enough, she writen it all on a paper, and i had to sign it, so it is “legit law”. like who the fuck have this kind of ideas? in home? to ur own fuckn kid?
So here ill speed things up:
I didnt realy follow those rules,and i had like 2 gay social media accounts, that she found and of course again told dad, who accualy bited me, so i had to skip shool for a week so nobody can see my scares. She also went to my shool and told the headmaster to split me from those friends from 18bd party, and that i have to check in in his room every time i go to shool. she also hired, and corupted (like bought?) two psyhologists, that were talling me that i am sick, and gay ppl r all wrong, and there will come time that i wouldnt like to be gay (one of them were trully facist…). but thats not all,mother wanted to sue my (ex)boyfriend for having my pics (as she told me) illegally…
After some time it all settle down, and it was semi-ok apart from some random anger attacks from my parents and fiew more arguments and fights with my dad (i wasnt really fighting coz im litteraly a skeleton XD).
Year after 18bd, i went to new school - universit iin city far away - meet some new ppl, had 5 boyfriends (dont judge me XD) in 3 years, and here i am now - seeing my parents for 1/2days in a mouth, not giving a shit about anything, not scared of socieity at all, coz all of this what happened to me made me strong enough to just dont care and defend myself when i need it most.
so yeah.
this is my story that i dont go around and tell random ppl 
hopefully u can read it with all my English mistakes XD
Except bigoted cunts. We’re definitely closed to them.
[hr]
Good on you for sticking up with what you believe in. I think eventually homophobes like your parents unfortunately were will eventually become just like the people in the 1930s who still thought women shouldn’t have the vote - as in, met not with “yeah I agree” but “lol wtf you on about? did you grow up in the 90s or something”
Pfft, religion. That was written ages ago, back when homosexuality was bad. Note the past tense. If you want to pull the bible on us, how’s bout this:
Basically, it’s ok to own slaves if they’re not Christian.
Good to know.
[details=“Spoiler”][size=24pt]I don’t want to turn this wall into a religion vs atheism wall, but there is a pretty good answer to your question at:
http://www.christiananswers.net/q-aiia/aiia-slavery.html
- I believe that the word “will” is a future tense word. I suppose I will have to check that though.
Homosexuality to me is on the same level as murder, swearing, and lying.
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“back when homosexuality was bad” - it’s also back when stealing, adultery and murder were bad.
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That’s just my opinion of the matter, and I was voicing it. It seems like my opinion is quite an unpopular one though. Homosexuality to me is on the same level as swearing, lying and murder. To me they are actions against God, but luckily he is always willing to forgive. This is probably going to become one of the hardest views to have soon though.
[size=24pt][/details]
That was almost the worst phrasing I could ever have done. Honestly. I came downstairs yesterday morning, I was just going to edit this, and then Bang! Banned. It was the worst experience, having this left up, having people pour insults at your religion. Calling it “thoughtless” and telling me to quit, but not being able to respond.
Yet through all of this, I have become a stronger person. My views were uncertain before, and now they’re certain and I thank God for making such strength come out of such a bad situation.
And Pen, “homophobia is learnt, people are born gay.”
I agree with you there. I would put myself in both of those categories.
Here endeth the flamewar.
Guys Please End This NOW. Religion should NOT get involved under any circumstances
Some Bible-believing Christians play fast and loose with their sacred text. When it suits their purposes, they treat it like the literally perfect word of God. Then, when it suits their other purposes, they conveniently ignore the parts of the Bible that are—inconvenient.
I don’t really care if you’re religious. The bible says ‘Love thy neighbour as thyself’ and that includes ‘sinners’, so don’t be selective.
It all comes back to R-E-S-P-E-C-T, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
To Quote a Tumblr Post
"It's all in your head" Yes exactly that is where the mental illness goblin lives, chanting and making blood sacrifices, thank you for recognizing its geographic location
Yeah, don’t preach it all guys. Feel free to share how it’s helped you with your mental illnesses, as it may help some, but don’t try and convert everyone and condemn sinners, that’s just nae fun at all- this thread, hell even the server, is about trying to be open minded and accepting.
To be honest, throwing religion at people for how they live their lives, or arguing about someone’s religion, go against the idea of the thread in the first place.
Don’t derail the thread guys. Be civil.
[size=24pt]Always treat someone else the way you would want to be treated as.
Yes everyone has an opinion but everyone also has the respect to keep their mouths shut about stuff that is theirs alone. No one is above anyone.
Everyone has had a different life. the way you’ve been raised, experienced things, religion etc etc.
but that doesn’t mean that everything is always correct. The important thing is to keep looking at relations between people in the 3rd person see what everyone has and has made them the way they are and try to understand them.
‘Peace cannot be kept by force, it can only be achieved by understanding.’
This post is so important to help people gather courage for who they are and to show how many different people there are and what things we have in common.
No one is allowed to say anything about another without hearing their story first.
Everyone is soooooo different that is so much fun just to learn from them. When i see new people from where ever they are or what they are. I want to know how they came to be the person they are now. To also help myself in understanding why i do things and for what cause.
This generation needs to cut loose from all old stories and habits from past people.
We can see these days so far into all the people everywhere on the planet, but we often are scared of what we don’t know. So if you don’t know just ask, ask why how when? learn from each other.
If you do not want to do that then keep your mouth closed.
if you don’t like a person then just leave them be. You’re not forced to connect with everyone.
Well, you’ve just earned yourself a ban from PCB! Have fun distributing your thoughtless homophobia elsewhere!
I’m glad that mental health is something that is being talked about more in this day and age given the fact that most people have some form of it. In my case my mental health has never really been the best for the longest time I can remember. I have suffered from depression, mild anxiety and probably some form of social awkwardness/autism/who tf knows since probably around the age of 11. Seems pretty young I know.
As a child I was constantly hella hyper and struggled to socialize with other kids around me, most of the time I would get ignored or have kids tell me constantly that I was some kind of annoyance to them, plus childhood bullying from my supposed “friends” kinda made me the semi angry insecure person I am today.
At the age of 11 I was getting aware of puberty n shit and I would be upset that I wasn’t “pretty” or anything like that and it semi kicked the depression that was building up from childhood. Over time I made and lost friends and it made me feel like constant shit, at around 13-14 I started getting suicidal, I never attempted suicide but there were many days where I was on the brink of actually taking my own life.
Many years later I still suffer from depression and with my anxiety added on to it, it’s still sometimes a struggle to do basic everyday things. And at times it semi affects my job/school/current relationship but I still try my hardest to get out of bed and do what needs to be done in order for my life to be on track for the future and hopefully getting some kind of help for my mental health.
I encourage those who have mental illness to seek help and have a good social group of friends cause on your hardest days it’s always nice to have a good support group.
-Pandah <3 (I apologize if this sounds dumb, it’s late and i just got home from work I’m hella tired rn)
Fucking hell Amphi! Seriously, what’s wrong with what he said?
He gave his opinion. Admittedly it was a bit OTT but it’s not that different from other people hating on homophobes here. And even when there were only three religion posts, it somehow gave rise to more than double that number of anti-religion posts. This is too much guys. You can’t claim to be free of haters then hate on them.
The whole point of this thread is that you shouldn’t just judge someone by their beliefs or sexuality. And yet you banned someone for expressing their beliefs.
ok guys, this is the end of the religion part, PLEASE STOP. [glow=red,2,300]this is on mental illness, not the creator [/glow]
sooooo let’s continue this =)
Woah I just skim-read this forum post and looks like a giant s**t storm happened O_O I don’t how religion comes into play on a post about Mental Illness. Sorry to bring it up again but… as a Christian, I think I was taught to accept other people for being homosexual, not to damn them. Times change, and we must accept people for who they are and the changes they cannot and do not want to make. Whether that be a mental illness, or religion.
Life is a precious thing. We simply cannot waste time arguing
2016 needs to be about spreading the love <3
(I’m done with the religion side of things now. RIP.)