Well i just realised that i forgot about it today, bilbo - im sorry
So maybe ill tell u my story in short words (that would be way to much to type and im supposed to sleep now XD)
Um. So im gay, and as most of u know im from poland. I dont feel like i ever had any problems with it, becouse i tend to forget what was happening after my 18 birthday party. My old psychologist (?) told me that its my defending mechanism.
But, to begin, ill tell u what happened on my birthday party. So in poland 18 BD party is like big celebration day, coz according to law u become mature. And i well known my sexuality long before that, so i had a boyfriend, that i invited to that party, as my friends boyfriend (my parents didnt knew that im gay, so i had to make it hard to find out). We had nice time together with all friends, and him, till we got real drunk (blood prob. switched to vodka XD) and we got a bit to easy on the rules we made before party (like no kissing etc) and we found a way to get out of the party unseen as we were thinking back then, and started kissing behind the building in a dark. it was fun, we had a lot of adrenalinę, coz we knew that my parents r just behind that building walls. ppl on the party eventually noticed that we r gone and my best friend marta called me that we should go back coz my parents r a bit suspicious… so we went back, and it seemed that nothing happened, i told my mom that “sorry but i felt sick and i had to go out and Ceiro “boyfriend” was helping me get back to life”. So party was still going it ended late at night, all of my family went home, me and my friends had to go back eventually too.
And at this moment, when we were going back home i had dumbest idea in my life (well kind of, i dont regret it now) - i thought that my bf can go with me to my house… and we didnt think this throw, coz my mom saw us bouth going into my room. that was total random for her. so she checked my room, and told us that she will bring him matrace, so he can sleep. and there was our next drunk dumb idea, we said that he doesnt need one, he can sleep wirh me (XD smooth af). she was a bit like wtf but she agreed and went a sleep. im gonna skip this part here if u know what i mean XDDDD.
we woke up in the morning, (thank god that sun beams, not my mom or dad(!) waken us up)
we went down to eat something, and my mom started asking some random questions to my BF, like she wanted to check if hes real BF of my other friend from party… she didnt have a lot of time, coz we had to go for a train - so she ended up knowing nothing… but she had to drive my bf to the train station, and i went with them. and when we were there, i wanted to say goodbye to my bf somewhere out of my mom sight - but i couldnt coz when he got out of the car, i told her that im going to say bye to him, and she shouted that i have to stay in a car and she quickly drived away from train station, while asking me who was that. i was like super scared of her, so i told her with tears in my eayes that im gay and that was my boyfriend, and to not tell that to dad. and she shouted some pointles stuff and then said that she promise that she wont tell anything to dad.
so we went back home, i closed myslef in a room for a moment to cry the shit out of me, then went to the toilet to get back to normal and went down stairs to watch some tv and pretend nothing happened. i was not really noticing what is my mom doing. after 20mins of tv i heard somebody slaming doors so hard that i felt it on a chair as it was shaking - that was my dad. My fuckn father, who was ment to never find out, but my dumb mother, went back home, after promising me that nothing will happen, told that my father that im gay and i was prob fucking with my bf in my room.
so. he slamed that door, runed into me sitting on the chair, almost got me on the ground by jumping on my legs and sitting on them so i cant run, and asked me “why did u do that to me”. I was like wtf at the first place, but after secounds i relised what hes talking about. i saw my mother in a bacground - i stared into her eyes and said that i hate her, and she has no way to getmy trust back, and i will be saingthat every day till the end of her life, so she will never forget what she did.
This whole situation went ever worse, coz after that insult from me, my mom told that i need to leave my bf, i wont be gay coz she say so (lol) and that “we” have to make some rules. So we sat around table, and she started to point out some insane rules, that were all concentrated on that “what will ppl say if they find out” and their own homophobic point of view. also, the most insane apart from leaving my bf, was leaving all my friends from that 18 bd party! coz she was saing they all knew and didnt tell them…
If that is not insane enough, she writen it all on a paper, and i had to sign it, so it is “legit law”. like who the fuck have this kind of ideas? in home? to ur own fuckn kid?
So here ill speed things up:
I didnt realy follow those rules,and i had like 2 gay social media accounts, that she found and of course again told dad, who accualy bited me, so i had to skip shool for a week so nobody can see my scares. She also went to my shool and told the headmaster to split me from those friends from 18bd party, and that i have to check in in his room every time i go to shool. she also hired, and corupted (like bought?) two psyhologists, that were talling me that i am sick, and gay ppl r all wrong, and there will come time that i wouldnt like to be gay (one of them were trully facist…). but thats not all,mother wanted to sue my (ex)boyfriend for having my pics (as she told me) illegally…
After some time it all settle down, and it was semi-ok apart from some random anger attacks from my parents and fiew more arguments and fights with my dad (i wasnt really fighting coz im litteraly a skeleton XD).
Year after 18bd, i went to new school - universit iin city far away - meet some new ppl, had 5 boyfriends (dont judge me XD) in 3 years, and here i am now - seeing my parents for 1/2days in a mouth, not giving a shit about anything, not scared of socieity at all, coz all of this what happened to me made me strong enough to just dont care and defend myself when i need it most.
this is my story that i dont go around and tell random ppl
hopefully u can read it with all my English mistakes XD