A story I wrote for English class

I dont know what you guys are into but if you have ever read any of the “mortal instrument series” you may like this. Its kinda based off that…This is also a part of it. It was a 4 page story and if it is liked enough, i guess i can post more

Dark World Downfall

It was a lovely evening and he could want nothing more than how calm the night was to him. As James wondered his penthouse suite, it was empty, but he couldn’t help but fell like someone was watching him. James came from a wealthy family and had no reason to hate someone unless that person gave him a reason. He didn’t get much hate probably due to his muscular build. It also helped that he was about six feet tall. As he sipped on his glass of wine, he still felt that someone was watching him. James has always been sneaky and knows when someone has seen him or is watching him. He can thank his 4 years of military and special team training for that.

James has always been popular among people. He had his close circle of friends that consisted of Will, Henry, Tessa, Sophie, and Alex. He met all his friends through work and they all have special abilities to say the least. It finally hit him and he knew who was watching him. He was in the shadows behind a pillar on the left side of the elegant, gold and silver stairs.

“Ok Will, you can come out now. Along with you Tessa.” He then silently laughed at himself for being so stupid. Of course it was Will and Tessa who were in the shadows. They had the ability to blend in with their surroundings.

As Will came out from where he was hiding, it was a wonder why he was single. HE stood at six foot two, muscular, and had an amazing sense of humor. Along with him, stood Tessa. She was about five foot seven, had an amazing sense of humor, and to top it off, James thought she was stunning. Tessa wasn't skinny or fat. She kind of fits the movie star look. 

“Yo Jem,” Will said, “You’re staring again.” James’ close circle called him Jem as a nickname.
“I am?” inquired Jem, “Didn’t think I was.”
“Well you were and it is making Tessa uncomfortable.”
“Oh it’s fine, really” Tessa said shyly. 
“So how long have you two been here?” Jem asked.
“Oh, about five minutes.” Sophie said as she came out from the shadows behind Jem. “We were hoping you would come with us to the local ice cream parlor.”

“Of course! Just let me get into some jeans and get out of these pajamas. Make yourselves at home if you haven't already.” He went off to go put on some jeans and a plain, dark gray, short sleeve shirt, a pair of digital camo cargo pants.

“Alright, I’m ready. Let’s go!” Jem said.
“Took you long enough,” Will jokingly said.
As they were walking down to the ice cream parlor, Will noticed something odd about it. Well, maybe not about it, but about Jem. There was two of him on the street. 
“Hey guys,” Will said under his breath so only they could hear, “dopple ganger 11 o’ clock.” They all looked slightly to their left and saw what he meant. 

“Indeed, I see it too. Thats very strange, I don’t…” Tessa stopped her sentence as she saw him shift into another person. “You guys saw that right? Right?!” Tessa exclaimed.

“Yeah, we saw it. Or at least I did. I’m not on anything am I?” someone asked. 
Startled, the three of them turned around and saw Alex. Alex was from Australia or something and, is normally the silent one of the group, but he was also the smartest. Not to mention he didn't talk unless he was asked a question or completely confused. He had short blond hair and was more on the skinny side. He tended to work all night and refuse to eat. 

“Sorry mate, can’t help it if you're standing still not paying attention to anything…HEY! He changed again!” Alex exclaimed. 
The four of them went over to the shape shifter. They were as curious as anyone else.
“Hey, uh, you! The one with the, uh, ability to shape shift. Can we talk to you?” Will asked.
“Agh, ubalekele kimi nina idemoni abazingeli. Angifuni ukuya emuva. Hlala emuva!” the thing hissed.
“I’m sorry wha…” Jem was interrupted by Alex.
“He’s saying stay away form him demon hunters and that he doesn't want to go back to where he is originally from.” Alex interpreted, “It’s Zulu language that went through several translators. I’m assuming he got that from the person he transformed into.” 

“Well tell him to change into someone who can speak English or a language we know.”
“Asibi lapha akulimaze, sifuna kuphela ukukhuluma nawe. Kungenzeka yini ukushintsha into umuntu akhulume english, isiJalimane, isiFulentshi, noma greek?” Alex interpreted.
Angifuni umphefumulo isisulu singazithola lapha me're yini kunengqondo ukuba ahambe lapho ibambisene hhayi ukungibulala. I Unedemoni onamandla kakhulu ukukhanya edolobheni elincane I ukukhumbula ukufa nokubhujiswa. Kodwa lapha kungaletha. " the demon hissed.
“Alex, what is he saying?” inquired Jem.

Do you know Zulu, or was it from a translator. If you do know it, that’s awesome!

Nice story, too :smiley:

Bruh, i can hardly speak spanish. IT was from a translator.

THanks. I suppose if you want more i can provide.

You use a lot of the same verbs quite often.

“Tessa exclaimed” “Alex exclaimed” and such. Unless it’s intentional repetition, try using varied verbs.

I couldnt use the word “Said” I kinda panicked. The end of the story i half assed when it was due.

100% what I was thinking as I read this. Trust me if you do this (no matter how hard it is) It makes your sentences seem a lot more intelligent.